If you’re worried that the sparks are dying down, or that your girlfriend is just not feeling it anymore, then you’ve got to work harder to win her over and to keep her by your side. If your relationship just isn’t meant to be, then it’s one thing, but if you really love your girlfriend and can’t imagine life without her, then you have to work on making her feel loved, being a more thoughtful and attentive boyfriend, and on keeping your flame alive. If you want to know how to get your girlfriend to love you more, see Step 1 to get started
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Part One of Three: Making Her Feel Special
1 Compliment her more. If you want to get your girlfriend’s attention, then you have to make her see that you really do care about her. While superficial compliments about her appearance or
compliments that are only calculated to make her like you won’t get you very far, giving her a meaningful compliment at the right time can show her that you really care. If you’re worried about getting her to love you more, then chances are it’s because she’s not feeling the love back, so let her know you care by telling her what makes her so special. You can compliment an impressive aspect of her personality. You can say something like, “It’s really awesome that you can strike up a conversation with almost anyone. How do you do that?” Or, “You’re such a hard worker. I wish I could study for as long as you could.” You should pay attention to her and notice when she’s wearing something new or when she got a new haircut. Say, “I love that new sweater on you. It really brings out your eyes,” and she’ll be impressed that you’re paying attention.
2 Do favors for her. Another way to make your girlfriend feel special and to win her over is to do some favors for her to show her you care. This could mean bringing her lunch when she’s had a busy day, giving her a ride when she needs it, or helping her clean up her place after a party. Just taking the time to make her life a little easier will make her appreciate you more. Of course, you don’t want to be her puppy dog and make her think she can take advantage of you, but you should help her out when you can, provided she does the same for you. She may protest when you ask her if she needs help, but if you see that she really does need some help from you, you should help her out as much as you can.
3 Be supportive of her goals and interests. If you want to make your girlfriend feel special, then you can’t just treat her like arm candy. You have to care about the things she cares about and want her to succeed. If she’s really into soccer, you should go to her games when you can. If she’s trying to find a new job, you can help her by setting up a mock interview. Let her see that you want her to do well and care about the things that matter to her, and she’ll be touched by how thoughtful you are. If she’s upset, you should be there to comfort her and to talk about it when she’s ready to talk. Don’t get frustrated with her when she’s not in a good mood because she’s had a personal disappointment. Cheer her on if she has a big day coming up. Wish her luck and tell her you’ll be thinking of her.
4 Ask her questions about her life. You don’t want your girlfriend to get bored or to think you don’t really care about her. As you open up to each other, you should ask her questions about her life, from asking about her childhood to her relationships with her friends and parents. You should also ask her about her goals for the future or about what she has coming up in the week. Show her that you care about who she is as a person and about how she’s growing. Let her see that you’re genuinely interested in who she is, and that you’re not just asking to sound polite. Make eye contact and really give your full attention when she tells you about herself. Ask her to talk more about her hobbies and interests, even if you don’t really know a lot about them.
5 Check in to see how her day is going. If you want her to see that you care, then you should check in with her at least once a day, whether you call or text her, to see how her day is going. Make her see that when you’re not together, she’s still on your mind, and she’ll be touched. You can check in after you know she’s had something important happen, whether it’s a major exam or a soccer game. Let her see that you care about her even when you’re miles apart. Of course, you shouldn’t get obsessive and check in with her every five minutes, or that will be a major turn-off. And if she’s out with her girlfriends, give her a break instead of checking in every chance you get, or she’ll think that you’re jealous and possessive.
6 Be affectionate. It’s true that most guys don’t love holding hands or major PDA. But that doesn’t mean you can’t show her some love and affection when you’re together, whether you’re putting your arm around her, stroking her hair, or putting a hand on her arm or knee when you’re talking. Just a bit of physical affection can go a long way, showing her that you really like being around her. You may see that she’s being distant because she feels like you don’t care enough, and giving her some affection is a great way to change that. You don’t have to hold hands all the time, but holding her hand every once in a while is a great way to let her know you care. If you’re at the movies, give her hand a squeeze once or twice. You don’t have to kiss in public, but giving her a kiss when you see her and when you say goodbye will make her see that you care.
7 Take the time to really listen to her. Most people could stand to brush up on their listening skills, and many boys aren’t exactly known for being amazing listeners. The next time she talks to you, you should really absorb every word, put away all distractions, and look into her eyes. Don’t interrupt her or try to solve her problems, and work on simply being there for her and taking the time to understand what she’s telling you. This will make her see that you really do care about her. Once she’s done talking, ask her more questions to see how she’s feeling. If she’s asking for advice, make sure you have all the facts before you give it to her. Put away your phone when she’s trying to tell you something. You’ll drive her crazy if you keep checking your phone when she’s trying to have an important conversation.
Part Two of Three: Being a Better Boyfriend
1 Be a gentleman. If you want to be a better boyfriend to your girlfriend, then you have to work on being more of a gentleman. This doesn’t mean you have to turn into Cary Grant or pick her up in a horse-drawn carriage, but it does mean that you should try to treat her with a bit more attention and respect. Open doors for her, whether she’s getting into your car or walking into a restaurant. Pull out her chair before she sits down. Give her your coat if she’s cold and avoid being overly vulgar in her presence. Don’t worry: being a gentleman doesn’t mean acting phony or over the top. Just treating your girlfriend with more care and attention will make her see that you’re a true gentleman.
2 Improve your communication. Many boyfriends are notoriously bad at communicating their needs. If you want to be a better boyfriend, then you have to work on being able to honestly but kindly tell your girlfriend what you’re feeling, how to have a conversation without getting angry, and how to learn to compromise instead of being upset when you don’t get what you want. If you develop stronger communication skills, your relationship will flourish. When your girlfriend is upset, you should work on understanding what she’s really angry about and try to address her concerns; if she’s mad at you for being late for a date, for example, it may mean that she’s mad because she feels like you don’t put enough effort into the relationship. Timing is also important if you want to have a serious conversation. If you want to have a big talk with your girlfriend, try to pick a time when she won’t be too tired or distracted to have the conversation.
3 Give her your time. If you want to be a better boyfriend, then you have to make yourself more available to your girlfriend. This doesn’t mean you should be free 24/7 and have to bend to her will at any given moment, but it does mean that you should make enough time to keep your relationship going strong, from time to weekly date nights to time to talk on the phone or watch a movie with her. If you’re never around or always prefer hanging out with your buddies instead of her, she’s likely to feel neglected. That said, it could be possible that she’s losing that loving feeling because you’re starting to feel too dependable, like you’re always around. Make sure that you continue to have your own life, your solo time with your friends, and time to pursue your own hobbies and interests. Though you want to make time for her, you also want her to see that you’re an interesting and dynamic person.
4 Respect her independence. While making time for your girlfriend is important, so is respecting her own time and space. Let her hang out with her girlfriends without being jealous or calling her every five minutes; avoid trying to do every single thing she likes, from running to volunteering, right along with her. Let her do her own thing and applaud her for it while knowing when she wants you to come along. You don’t want her to feel smothered or like you don’t like it when she takes two steps away from you. If you smother her, she’ll feel like you don’t trust her or have faith in the relationship. If you’re comfortable enough to let her do her own thing or hang out with her friends, then she’ll feel like you’re confident with who you are what you two have.
5 Be nice to her friends and family. Her friends and family are important, and may be the key to her heart. Don’t just brush them off or make superficial small talk without taking the time to really get to know them. Ask them how they are, share something about yourself, and show that you really care about them. Even if you’re only doing it because you care about your girlfriend, it’ll make a big difference, and they’ll be more likely to sing your high praises when she talks about you. If your girlfriend invites you to hang out with her friends, you should accept from time to time, even if you don’t have the greatest time ever. This will show her that you really do care and are making an effort.
Part Three of Three: Bringing More Excitement to Your Relationship
1 Do new things together. If you want to keep your love going strong, then you have to find new interests to pursue together. This could be watching every Hitchcock movie ever made, taking tennis lessons together, or getting into hiking. Whatever it is, you should find something that just the two of you can do together and which reminds you of your relationship. If you just keep on doing the same old things, the excitement is bound to fade. You can take a hip hop, karate, or art class together, if that’s your thing. Of course, you shouldn’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.
2 Mix up your dates. Though dinner and a movie is nice every once in a while, you should try to keep things exciting by mixing it up once in a while. Instead of going out to dinner, invite your girlfriend over and cook for her. Instead of seeing a movie, take a sunset hike and have a picnic. Have a date night on a random Tuesday instead of on the same old Friday night, just to get your blood flowing. Set up an appointment to rock climbing at a gym. Take a kickboxing class together. Doing a form of exercise together can be very sexy.
3 Hang out with other people. Though spending time together is the best way to keep your relationship going strong, if your girlfriend is the only person you hang out with, things are bound to go south. Hang out with a group of mutual friends, each other’s friends, or family from time to time, or even make an effort to make new friends together, so you never run out of things to do and always keep your relationship feeling fresh. Hanging out in groups as well as alone can help you appreciate each other on a whole new level. Even going on double dates can add a fun new layer to your relationship.
4 Be spontaneous. Though it’s great to plan a new thing to do together or to plan an exciting date night, there’s something to be said for being spontaneous, too. If you’re driving by a new restaurant that looks cool, you should stop by and see if they have an open table. If you’re suddenly bored on a Saturday afternoon, go on a road trip or drive to the beach without planning every second of the day. Just having the option to up and run and do something completely unexpected can keep your relationship exciting. Is there something that you and your girlfriend have always said you’ve wanted to do, but you haven’t had the chance to try it? What better time than now?
5 Play hard to get. Though it’s important to show your girlfriend how much you care and to be open and honest with her, you shouldn’t put all of your cards on the table unless you want her to get complacent. Don’t pick up the phone the second she calls, have other plans in your social calendar, and don’t smother her with your love while letting her know that you care. If you play hard to get and leave her to chase you, she’ll be much more interested than if she knows she has you wrapped around her little finger. If she doesn’t think you’re 100% available whenever she wants to hang out with you, she’ll cherish your time together more.
Tips
For romantic dates do: A midnight picnic A beach trip at dark A fancy restaurant
Tell her you love her every day, and hug her when you do so.
For comfy dates do: Home movie theater Home dinner for 2 Bowling
For fun dates do: Running around a park taking pics with random people Picnic at the beach Chase a big flock of pigeons or seagulls with an umbrella
